forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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