Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
