you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
cat food counts as protein by the way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
