we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
