i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
