You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
