Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
