And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize