Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
