Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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