you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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