All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
