Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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