These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
