I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
