i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
