his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
