we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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