did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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