why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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