Well apparently he's into motor boating.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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