hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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