Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
