im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
