Pappa wants mamma naked
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
