What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
