wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
