he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
