Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
