just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
