Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
