Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
