So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
