i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
