I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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