Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
