I want to make a zoo with you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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