My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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