Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
