is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
