Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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