I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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