there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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