Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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