Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
