I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
