I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
