I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
