he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
