the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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