i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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