I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
