Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
