all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
