A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
