Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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