I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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