At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
