Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
