So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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