The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
