Girls should come with a carfax report
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
