Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
