I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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