New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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