At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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