apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
