How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
