yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
