Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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