You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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