so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
