sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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