my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize