people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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