i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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