we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
