I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
