I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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