Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
