Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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