so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize