what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
