3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
